Who can stop Michelle Bachmann's meteoric rise?

Are all you liberals taking your Prozac regularly for your post-election bankruptcy of endorphins? Or is your brain in foreclosure after being stuffed full of "Yes we Can!", having once again woken up to "As If, Same old s&*t"?

I feel all the excitement of my cat becoming de-constipated last night. All it took was a good beating by the limp-wrist liberals, who spit up their pat answers this election like so many fur balls, to realize the full extent of my nausea (please see link to Chronic Vomiting Syndrome website and posts to come.)

There's still a bit of daylight in Minnesota's political luminary, U.S. House member Michelle Bachmann, from a district neighboring mine. Though I was not lucky enough to be able to vote for Bachmann, I have nonetheless been a long-time admirer, she being just the kind of maverick our country needs.

Here's what I think conservative Republicans need to do. Since we've got a long lock on the word "conservative", what we need to do is co-opt the word "liberal" now. "As if, Mike Moral" I can hear you say but I have done some homework on this word "liberal", a word I just normally want to go brush my teeth after uttering, and have found out that "liberal", has what "word scientists" (entomologists) call "a history". So fine. So far so good. You'll have to do your own investigation into what entomologists call "roots" but we don't have to go that far down the scientific weirdo tree as long as I'm here to say "As if!" and put it simply for you: words have histories. "Ok, that's good enough for me, Mike Moral," you say, but here's the kicker. The word "liberal" in it's original Latin meaning meant "free".

Go have a cookie your mom just made for you and think about this. Liberal ... free. Free ... liberal. Is it starting to sink in yet? Why should liberals represent freedom, why shouldn't conservatives? If people's association with the word "conservative" is now "stupid", then maybe it's time to lose it, stupid.

That's what I want to tell Michelle Bachmann, who understands too well how current liberalism is like the brown mold on my shower ceiling. Pretty and puffy looking but not really edible, as anybody who has tried to eat that stuff can tell you.

In Bachmann's own words, "This is their agenda. I know it is hard to believe, it's hard to fathom -- but this is 'mission accomplished' for them. They want Americans to take transit and move to the inner cities. They want Americans to move to the urban core, live in tenements, take light rail to their government jobs. That's their vision for America."

As part of the advance guard of the New Liberal Conservative Movement, my Mom and I have never left our tenement in the urban core of St. Paul, Bachmann should be relieved to know. And who needs (or can afford) light rail when there's the good old reliable bus?

But you take my point. You begin to see what I like to call the "New New American Revolution" (with all respect to the people I admire very much at PNAC) which is beginning to take shape in urban cores just like mine over a wide range of urban cores, like my friend John Hufflefinger's house over in Minneapolis.

So there are the exact parallels between my thinking and where I think Michelle Bachmann is driving to or at, if she isn't there already. Which is, I think, pretty amazing when you think about it, isn't it?

You just keep on saying "As if!" and I'll keep defining the impossible for you!

My name is Mike Moral and it's November 22, 2008.